Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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