A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
