whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
