Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
