shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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