Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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