Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
