dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
