I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
