I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
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