This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize