i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
