I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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