We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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