Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
