They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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