How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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