I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
