We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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