their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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