There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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