And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
