I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
