just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
