I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
