Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
