finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
