Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
