I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
