I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
