I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
