i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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