My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
