He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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