Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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