Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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