I heard we made out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
