if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
