all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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