when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
