I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
