so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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