he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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