Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
