Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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