forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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