I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
