gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
