How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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