Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
