I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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