my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
