every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
