Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
