You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
