your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
