can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
