The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
