He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
