my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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