fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
