Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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