I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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