All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
