Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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