my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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