I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
