ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ketchup is God's man juice
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
