i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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