girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That accounts for only three of the penises
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
