I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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