just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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