Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
