I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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