It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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