Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
