Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
