so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
