Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize