i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
