my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
